“It took me years to recognise I had anxiety. Creating an inclusive yoga space has helped me heal”
Writing for Processing, a Frame Of Mind series, Zakiya Bishton explains how experiences of racism triggered anxiety and burnout, and how yoga helped her start to heal.
It wasn’t until my early 30s that I was finally able to name anxiety as something that was happening to me. Burnout wasn’t even in my vocabulary.
But life as a Black mixed heritage woman brought layers of stress that had built and built. Anxiety became my default state, brought on by experiences of racism that led to feelings of disconnection and not belonging.
It wasn’t until I was 32 that I finally realised something needed to change. When I was working for a global charity, I experienced racism, such as being challenged or not listened to in discussions about the representation of Black people in the company’s content and messaging. I felt utterly powerless. This experience showed me clearly the systems of racial power and how they play out in big institutions. I left that job intensely stressed and anxious.
That moment opened the door for all my past experiences to rush back in. As I replayed situations, conversations, microaggressions at work and hurtful moments from my past, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I found it difficult to focus on anything as my mind was so stuck in these moments of anxiety.
I’d describe myself as a high-performing anxious person during this time. I kept working, doing and moving forward, but a deep sense of unease followed me around.
I had been doing yoga for more than 15 years, but this didn’t do much to help. The fast-paced vinyasa I’d once loved made me more anxious and I would quickly get out of breath and feel dizzy and disorientated.
I came across Yoga Therapy For Anxiety teacher training thanks to an email from The Minded Institute, a centre dedicated to yoga therapy for mental health, and everything clicked into place. I took the course in pursuit of my own healing journey, never expecting it could lead to something bigger.
Refocusing my yoga practice to a gentler, breath-focused and restful flow calmed me – a welcome change after years of persisting with dynamic classes that only left me more stressed. I learned that when you’re experiencing anxiety, the thought of being still can feel daunting. So the approach I took was an easing in: going from gentle movement to soothing breathing into rest only once my body was ready.
Learning to self-regulate through breathing practices was a significant change for me. Knowing I could alter my state simply by changing how I breathe made me feel like I was back in control.
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Doing the training helped me learn how essential intentional rest is for wellbeing. I learned that rest can be movement, creativity, emotional, mental, and so much more. Seeing how much this approach to yoga healed me, I knew I needed to bring it to a wider audience.
I always had a strong sense of the inequity in the yoga industry, so was drawn to teaching in community settings and leading my own classes. Feeling at home in yourself is key to yoga, so I needed to find and nurture environments that allowed me to do that as a teacher and practitioner. I was also tired of the high price points of yoga classes, which often made me unable to commit to a regular practice.
All this led to me creating Mindwalk Yoga, my own online yoga studio led by Black and Black-mixed heritage women. I wanted to make a space that I wanted to be part of. The teachers and members create the mood and the energy, and I’m proud to say it feels like a truly authentic and inclusive online yoga space. It’s not about yoga that will ‘fix’ you or make you bendier. It’s a space to explore yourself, just as you are: anxious, burnt out, happy, joyful, and everything in-between.
We are a not-for-profit social enterprise. As a collective of Black and Black-mixed heritage teachers and staff, we’re intentionally centring ourselves, our minds and our bodies – something that isn’t happening in many mainstream yoga spaces. I want MindWalk to feel like home; one you can access wherever you are.
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And that’s vital. We recently conducted a survey with Dope Black Women and found that 82% of the Black and Black-mixed heritage women we spoke to suffered from stress in the last year, 80% experienced anxiety and 59% reported burnout. The majority said yoga would help them de-stress, but that they didn’t feel welcome in mainstream wellness spaces.
I’ve learned first-hand just how powerful inclusive yoga can be. As a Black mixed woman, being centred with no agenda other than love and honouring is beautiful and healing. My mental health has been yearning for this because, finally, I can access proper emotional and mental rest.
I consider myself still in recovery from burnout. I think it will be a long journey to undo the behaviours and hang-ups that led me to a place of immense anxiety and overwhelm. But I’ve learned that it is a journey, not a destination, and I’m so grateful to now have a space where I can rest and where I can truly feel at home.
The Mindwalk Yoga app is available to download from the App store and Google Play.
Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.
Images: courtesy of Zakiya Bishton; Yoga Matters; Jorge Monedero; Stylist
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